The Marvel-less Ms. Maisie

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)

We are back and more distracted as ever! Your favorite two globs of ravager scum Maisie and Tim are finally back in your earholes this time discussing the newest Marvel garble Guardians 3! I don't feel like writing one of those dumb long descriptions for the episode! Listen to the podcast and feel joy in your soul, idiot!

X2: X-Men United (2003)

"SHINK!" your dinks and get ready to bink cuz your two favorite stink pinks Maisie and Tim are back and more mutated than ever for the second X-Men movie directed by no one at all why do you ask?! That's right, it's X2: X-Men United! And this episode's got everything you could possibly want; profound horniness for the very brief appearance of a big metal man, Maisie dodging Tim's insistent and annoying Brian Cox and Ian McKellan impressions, and awkward editing because of poorly timed baking of potatoes! Stream or download this podcast instead of spending any time pondering the sacrifices of your pithy existence you'll need to make in the ever approaching e-pocalypse! Alan Cumming is blue!

X-Men (2000)

Get ready to turn your least favorite U.S. Senator into goo, because your two favorite genetic freaks Maisie and Tim are back and cornier than ever to fling ourselves back to the groovy year of 2000 to discuss [DIRECTOR REDACTED]'s "X-Men"! And this movie's got everything, the mutant X gene, the mutant ex, Jean, and some huge jacked men with scary bones! So sit down, pop in some headphones, stick a dang lollipop in ya mouth and listen to two jiblets gab on about Ian McKellan's hand-work as well as the inevitable heat death of the universe, a phenomenon ever-approaching and completely unstoppable. Is this a musical episode? Stop asking!

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023)

Well shrink my dink! If it isn't your favorite two Mechanized Organisms Designed Only for Crapping (M.O.D.O.C) Maisie and Tim back at it again discussing which was a bigger disaster: the series of increasingly dangerous chemical poison train derailment fires in the United States or Marvel Studio's Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania? Look Dr. Feige, when we said we liked when Paul Rudd made things small, we didn't mean the Rotten Tomatoes score!!! (Roasted)

Explore a new world beneath our own, a world Janet Van Dyne refuses to tell us about, a world with brown greenscreen backgrounds, a world where Paul Rudd and Jonathan Majors are trapped not only in the Quantum Realm but in these endless contracts, and dare to answer the age old question that Maisie and Tim have long been exploring: Wait... are these movies bad? Sift through the dung and garbage and try to find any solace in life's unending disappointments.

"You Kang Do It!"

-Rob Schneider

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022)

Put on your chubbs and get ready to glub cuz it's your two favorite hidden deposits of dookie Maisie and Tim back at it again with another episode about the impossible task of a movie Black Panther: Wakanda Forever. This episode has everything you could possibly want: mediocre podcast editing, a disdain for shorts, and... and Academy Award for acting in a Marvel movie?! Who knew it was possible? But anything is possible. Anything. Read a book.

She-Hulk: Attorney at Law (2022)

It's time to slip into something a little more comfortable because we're mean, green, and riddled with crippling seasonal depression but still had to watch She-Hulk. Your two favorite deconstructed garbage dumps Maisie and Tim are back with a new episode all about our pronouns She/Hulk: Attorney at AAAARGGHH! And boy of boy does this episode have everything you've ever wanted from a podcast about Marvel movies; severely dehydrated hosts who forget how to do a podcast, several confusing time-skips due to Maisie's internet going out and having to re-record half the episode six days later, and an overabundance of references to the one person who we both know actually still listens to this drive (hey Rob). Also incels. Glorious incels. Every institution we once held dear and strong is crumbling under the weight of the certain impending doom of human existence. Body-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody.

Venom: Let There Be Carnage (2021)

What's up you goo-loving freaks?! It's officially half-past-goo and your favorite wrinkled skin donkeys Maisie and Tim are here-coded, queer-coded, and ready to talk about Venom: Let There Be Carnage! Is Woody Harrelson doing his best Woody Harrelson impression? You betcha! Does Venom say "crapola"? You betcha! Is this movie in Maisie's top five Marvel movies she's been forced at gunpoint to watch? Find out by hitting the download or play button on this episode of a podcast that is definitely being listened to by actual people. Andy Serkis!

Morbius (2022) w/ Jared Hall

Hop on a boat to international waters and leave your watches and clocks at the door cuz no matter where we are in the day, we know that it's Morbin' Time! Morbius AKA "What We DON'T in the Shadows" is the hellish Marvel-adjacent being toted today and joining your two favorite barely living bloodsacks Maisie and Tim this week is longtime Morb-head, watcher of every film, and recently crowned Vermont's Funniest Comedian 2022: Jared Hall! And if you think that's the only Jared being dragged out of hell to bless this timeline, you've got another two coming! Jared Leto! Jared Harris! Jared... from Subway? Nope! Only one man with (alleged) horrible behavior towards children allowed in this Morbfest! So grab a drink (blood), grab a snack (blood again), and sit and listen to three people talk about this abject failure of cinema because what else is going on but an endless slog of crude oil being force fed to us via tubes manufactured by children thanks to Amazon. MORB!

Venom (2018)

That's right freaks, geeks, and skidmark streaks, it's officially half past Marvel, and your favorite auto-pilot fart machines Maisie and Tim are back and slimier than ever with the hottest film of 2006, Sony Presents: Eminem Presents: "Venom"! And boy, oh boy, does this movie bring you exactly what you need. You're looking for a sweaty, disgusting Tom Hardy raw-gnawing live lobsters? Venom has you covered! You looking for a queer-coded film about crisis of identity and goo? Uh, weirdly yeah, Venom's got you! Are you looking for a two hour escape from the vacuum of existence, which painfully slowly draws the breath from your lungs in excruciating but inevitable fashion, rarely giving you glimpses of oxygen in the form of flittering glory and adulation? Venom has a big long tongue!

Ms. Marvel (2022)

Long-time follower, listeners, nerds, and freaks: on this historic day of days, I announce to you and yours that this podcast is ALL CAUGHT UP BABYYYYYYY! Your favorite molten lava bubbles Maisie and Tim are back and bored-er than ever to shine a crystalline light on Marvel's newest power player, and proud owner of half of a really good television show and half a uninteresting mush of gunk, Ms. Marvel! So strap on your bangles and get ready to bang, y'all, because we're Clandestines who are destined to spend too much time on the TOILET! Writing these silly little summary diatribe summaries that hope to toe the line between informal and genuine is hard when you feel the unfair and unrelenting weight of your perceived depressive failures on your shoulders every waking moment of the day. Register to vote!